


Even Stars Shine In Darkness

by origamigf



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: < in the fic, BASED COMPLETELY ON MY EXPERIENCE, Bullying, Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Harassment, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Tsukishima Kei, Self Confidence Issues, Time Skips, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26105509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/origamigf/pseuds/origamigf
Summary: “You touched it? Disgusting, ugh, you can have it!” A girl’s face contorted, throwing back down the jacket on the table. He didn’t sit like normal. He was sitting to the side, at a table away from everyone else. He was isolated from the rest of the class who sat in the rows of desks. Maybe it was for the best, maybe it wasn’t, who knows?She turned away and went back to her friends, unfazed by it all. He could see the smirk on her face and the glee in her eyes as she went back to whispering about him. He’s not exactly sure why she dislikes him so much. He can’t remember anything he really did to her or her friends. No matter how hard he thinks, he can’t recall even interacting with them before they started to make his days full of pointless suffering.Suffering. That’s probably a bit too serious for bullying in middle school, right? But man, it felt like it.-x-Tsukishima has had a shitty childhood and nothing is right about it, but life does get better
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 71
Collections: TsukkiYama Week 2020





	Even Stars Shine In Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> im running out of creative nicknames for my beta-r, so uh, thanks d-dog aka @danotiel on IG, TWT, and elsewhere for always betaing my fics!

It’s not like he was the most confident person in the world, but he wasn’t one without confidence either. He was just sort of neutral. Tsukishima felt okay with himself, he figured he was a decent person and that was enough for him. He was only ten years old when he entered middle school, and he didn’t think confidence mattered. You’re supposed to learn at school and along the way, you can make friends with others who have similar interests as you. He never thought it would be that big of a deal. It would be just like elementary school, just a little more harder when it came to the classes. 

He was wrong.

It was so much more than ‘a little more difficult’. The classes weren’t that troublesome on their own. In fact, if he had been left to his own devices, his grades would probably be better than what they are right now.

“You touched it? Disgusting, ugh, you can have it!” A girl’s face contorted, throwing back down the jacket on the table. He didn’t sit like normal. He was sitting to the side, at a table away from everyone else. He was isolated from the rest of the class who sat in the rows of desks. Maybe it was for the best, maybe it wasn’t, who knows? 

She turned away and went back to her friends, unfazed by it all. He could see the smirk on her face and the glee in her eyes as she went back to whispering about him. He’s not exactly sure why she dislikes him so much. He can’t remember anything he really did to her or her friends. No matter how hard he thinks, he can’t recall even interacting with them before they started to make his days full of pointless suffering. 

Suffering. That’s probably a bit too serious for bullying in middle school, right? But man, it felt like it. 

He has some weight on his body, and he tends to be taller than everyone else. It wouldn’t be that hard to hurt them. He knows it wouldn’t, but in the end, he would be the one getting in trouble. 

One day, after getting into a screaming match with someone, he was sent to the counselor’s office. He sat there, angry and in tears. He was so embarrassed and so mad. The adults in the area didn’t seem to mind much. He watched them laugh and joke around rather than doing their damn jobs. He kept his eyes glued to the floor, not wanting them to yell at him for staring at them, but that didn’t stop their filth from reaching his ears. They laughed and giggled as they made fun of cheerleaders. Teenage girls who are bound to be more insecure and….they were making fun of them and laughing at them like it was no big deal. It didn’t sit well with him. 

It was a while before he was ushered inside, but as soon as he was, he was blamed. Funny how it goes? You can be pushed and prodded to the point that you have to let loose some steam by standing up for yourself, even if it’s a more chaotic and louder than more healthier options, and you will still be the problem. 

“Do you see this puppet right here?” The counselor turned the computer screen to face him, showing those old-timey puppets, the one with the strings. “You’re letting others pull your strings and react that way, you’re only feeding into what they want.” 

Basically, don’t do it again. Don’t yell when you’re outraged. Don’t get upset when they push you. Don’t speak up, just handle it and don’t play into their hands because what else can you do? Nothing, because the adults won’t blame the abuser. They only see the emotionally sensitive wreck that Tsukishima is and not what drove him to it. 

Just take it and don’t cause a scene. You don’t want a referral, do you? After all, that will stay on your record forever and you might not get into the highschool you want to go to in the future because of it. 

If they call you disgusting, shake it off. If they act like they’re allergic to you, get over it. If they shit on your favorite hobbies, ignore them. 

Even if they hit you, they’re the victim. 

Because it’s never their fault, it’s always yours, you’re the problem child. 

Because you’re poor, it’s your fault. 

Because there’s a rumor about you being in a gay relationship, it’s your fault. 

Because you don’t make the greatest grades, it’s your fault.

No matter how much it hurts, you are never to fight back because you’ll get in trouble. You might get detention. A threat of getting a referral if  _ you  _ don’t apologize even! 

So embarrass yourself. Cry in the corner. Fake being sick so you can call to go home and hope your mother is stupid enough to believe you so you can can escape from this hellhole. Isolate yourself from the rest, always sit away and become a doormat. 

Because no one cares. 

If you report it, oh well. 

But never fight back. 

One time, he was taking his time before leaving the school. His mother always works a bit later than others so she comes later than the rest so he never has to rush to get outside. He would only end up waiting while doing nothing, leaving himself completely bored. As he walked down the hallway, just having a content time, he finds himself hit. 

He was smacked. It feels weird though, as if he was smacked with something  _ wet _ . He feels something yanking the back of his skull at his hair, ripping strands away. It happens so quickly, and he doesn’t realize it initially. 

But then the loud cackling starts from the same girl, from the same goddamn group of girls that love to torment him. 

Everything seems like too much. Everything he’s been pushing back and deep down inside has suddenly bubbled up. Anger, that’s all he feels in that moment. The sting of his cheek is second to his anger because everything is so fucking unfair. Every single fucking insult comes rushing back in that moment as he turns around and locks his eyes on those two girls who are happy as can be, smirking and giggling with glee. It was as if they believed he was helpless to do anything so they could do anything to him they wanted. They’re probably right in that sense, but it did nothing but worsen his anger.

They were laughing at assaulting him. They were having fun. They were relaxed and happy to do that to him, to treat him like that.

It bubbled up like water in the kettle, like the steam whistling and shaking his body, his nerves alight. He feels himself pour over, the heat bursting out as he screams.

Before he knew it, he was running. He was chasing them and they were running. His feet were taking him some place, he didn’t know where. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he caught up with them. Return the favor? He’s not exactly that sort of person, even when he was taught all his life to fight back when someone strikes you first, but he’s running. 

He finds himself chasing them into a classroom, a classroom that he only knows is full of suffering where he’s told his abilities are shit and treated like he’s disgusting on a daily basis. He’s always enjoyed literature, but how is he supposed to enjoy it when the teacher lets bullying run rampant? 

They’re hiding behind the teacher who is completely confused. “What? What’s happening?” 

They’re good actors. They cower behind the large teacher who immediately acts like a shield, as if he was the bully and those two girls were the victims. It sure looks like it, right? But that teacher should know better. After all, that teacher isolated them from the rest by sitting Tsukishima at his own special table from the rest of the class, like the other teachers do as well. 

She’s staring at him, funny right? The teachers only care when he’s doing something wrong and sometimes, it feels like the fucking world is against him. 

He just wants highschool to come already. Maybe then it would be better. 

“Go home, Tsukishima-kun.” The teacher warns him as the girls are safe behind her. 

“Why?! Everytime! Everytime this happens and I...ugh!” He groans, the frustration whirling inside him. He wants to scream until his throat is sore. He wants to cry until his face grows ugly with the puffiness of his eyes. Though, he’s sure them and everyone else already thinks he’s ugly enough as it stands. 

“Go!” She barks. Yeah, just like a dog. That’s what these damn adults are. They bark and bite at people just trying to mind their own lives and be happy with the things they enjoy, but they cheer on and encourage the ‘talented’ stars of their school. 

So he goes, begrudgingly. 

It wouldn’t be the first time he thinks of suicide as the best damn option. It certainly won’t be the last. 

As he walks out of the classroom and he hears the background chatter of the teacher talking to the girls, he touches the side of his face. He rubs his fingertips against the cheek of his face, gathering the wetness he was hit with, and lowers his hands to see what it is. He rubs it between his fingers before bringing it closer to sniff it. 

It’s fucking lotion. 

They’re smart. If their grades and consistent pariciption in class wasn’t enough to say that, this definitely shows it. 

Why is it smart? Simple. If the skin is wet, it’s more painful when the skin gets hit by something. They took this lotion, smeared it on their hands, and hit him with it, just to make it more painful. 

He feels the back of his head, rubbing his fingers against the sore blonde locks. He chuckles, his emotions are going haywire. 

He’s never felt so low. He’s never felt so fucking ugly and worthless before. 

As he makes his way outside and to the car rider designation, he sees Yamaguchi waiting for him. He’s smiley and cheery, blabbering with some of their peers. He doesn’t remember their names. He doesn’t really care right now really. He watches Yamaguchi’s happy, nervous face grow even more nervous and anxious as he approaches to stand by him. Yamaguchi’s eyes go comically wide, it’s almost funny. 

“T-Tsukki, are you okay?! What happened?! You - You’re….!” He can’t find the words to properly say what he sees, huh? That bad, huh? 

He wants to break down and cry. He wants to cry and cry. He wants to never exist after tonight and he wants to skip school everyday after today. 

He doesn’t break down, because like the counselor said, that would be him just playing into their hands. Instead, he just grabs Yamaguchi and hugs him. Yamaguchi, despite how flushed he gets and how much his hand shakes, returns his hug and wraps his arms around him. He holds Tsukishima, probably unsure of what to do or say.

He doesn’t want to say anything. He knows he probably looks like a mess, but he doesn’t want to admit it. He doesn’t need to say what Yamaguchi already knows. No need to further embarrass himself after all. 

So he doesn’t. He just hugs Yamaguchi quietly until there’s a loud honk sound to the side of them. Yamaguchi’s parents are here and he has to leave, so he’ll lower himself to the ground and waits until his mother finally manages to show up. 

It sucks, but thanks to this hell, he manages to form a pretty good poker face. 

He just hopes things will get better in high school. 

If nothing else, the single hug manages to make him feel a little better. It’s not much and it won’t remove the damage, but it helps. 

* * *

  
  


In high school, things are more annoying than anger-inducing. 

“Hey, that’s our friend you’re messing with!” Hinata jumps out in front of him, growling at the girl in front of him that was calling his name and well, making fun of him while using it. It was thanks to them that he hates his name now, but no one needs to know the real reason behind why he lets Yamaguchi call him ‘Tsukki’. It’s just better than Tsukishima as it stands. 

The girl is a bit too familiar. She’s one of the girls from the group that liked to torment him. She was basically the side-kick to the main girl. It’s funny when he thinks about it. They were so cliche and so over-the-top with everything they said and did to the point you would think they were fictional, but no, they exist. Tsukishima has the best luck, doesn’t he? 

He’s not surprised she hasn’t changed. What do you really expect out of a bully? An apology? Remorse? No way in hell. 

Hinata looks a bit stupid, he won’t lie. Tsukishima is way taller than him and when he looks down, he can see the top of Hinata’s hand as he stands in front of him. The King looks even stupider. He looks like he doesn’t know what to do, so he keeps looking between him and the girl in some kind of weird stance, as if he knows martial arts or something. Did he see that on TV and thought it looked cool? 

They’ve always been a bit ridiculous. 

“Tsukki? What’s - !” Yamaguchi ducks into the mostly empty classroom beside them. His eyes go wide with shock before a frown is on his face. He looks angry. It’s cute even. “Hey, don’t tell me you’re picking on Tsukki!” 

“‘Tsukki’? Really?” The girl chuckles, which only angers the weird duo. 

God, he just wants to go practice already. 

“Don’t laugh, stupid face!” 

‘Stupid face?’ Tsukishima nearly snorts at the insult. It’s the worst insult he's ever heard, but to Hinata, it’s probably the best thing he’s ever come up with.

“Yeah.” Kageyama concurs with Hinata, making it even more amusing. They really share the same braincell, huh? 

“Huh? You guys are still here?” He doesn’t know why or how, but Asahi stops by. “You guys need to head to practice already, Daichi will be mad!” 

He can see the girl on edge. Asahi always seems to scare everyone else outside of the club. It’s really funny, compared to how he actually is to how people see him as. 

‘“Let me get out of your way then…” The girl says, dashing out of the classroom, leaving Asahi confused. 

“Yay! We scared her off!” Hinata jumps happily, wasting his stamina like usual. What an idiot. 

‘Sure you did,’ Tsukishima thinks to himself. “Can we go now?” 

“Just tell me if she messes with you, and I’ll scare her away!” Hinata grinned up at him, putting up a thumbs-up. 

“Will do,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “Can you leave already or do you want to be late to practice with me?” 

Hinata and Kageyama locked eyes and suddenly, there’s only dust left where they were standing. God, how can they race like that everyday? Don’t they ever get tired? 

“Ah, well, I’ll go join them…” The overwhelmed upperclassman says with a nervous smile and bows politely. “I’ll let Daichi know you guys got caught up with something so he won’t scold you. He can be really scary sometimes!” 

“Right,” Tsukishima nodded, politely waving bye to Asahi as he left before sighing. He hadn’t even started practice and he was already drained of energy. 

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm, “Are you okay? I’m sure Coach would understand…” 

“Understand what exactly? It was really nothing, you guys worry too much…” He sighs, looking away to the side. He didn’t want to be lame in front of Yamaguchi. He’d rather die. “They were just overreacting.” 

“Hmm, maybe…” Yamaguchi hums for a few seconds before moving closer and wrapping his arms around Tsukishima’s tall body. “...but I know what happened, not just now but before Karasuno.”

Tsukishima didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to say anything. 

“Hey, hey, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi giggled, “I like you, the guys at the volleyball club like you, so I think that’s all that matters.” 

“Shouldn’t you be telling yourself that?” 

“That’s mean, Tsukki!” 

He snorted at that because Yamaguchi was still grinning widely as he held Tsukishima, meaning it didn’t actually hurt. He’s just being a little dramatic. 

“I want to go to practice, I’m fine…” 

“If you want to, then that’s all there is to it!” 

He’s cute. 

“...I wouldn’t mind if we took a few more minutes l-like this….” 

He never thought himself to be a shy one, but goddamnit, he was so embarrassed. He knew he looked like a loser blushing pink like this. 

Yamaguchi cocked his head to the side, smiling all the same. 

He hated himself for it, but he leaned his head down, bumping foreheads with his best friend. 

Even though he suffered a lot and was basically tormented all throughout middle school, he felt like he could handle it even when he knew how unfair it was. Most of the time, it was utter hell, but he was able to find some solace in being Yamaguchi’s friend. He enjoyed their little talks, he enjoyed playing volleyball with him, and practicing all the while. Even after he found out the truth about his brother, he wanted to be by Yamaguchi’s side. 

It was probably him being hopelessly in love with the green-haired friend, but it was enough. 

Yamaguchi giggled, “If you keep looking at me like that Tsukki, I might think you like me!” 

“You literally asked me out six months ago.” 

It was Yamaguchi’s turn to blush. 

“Shush, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi placed his hands on each side of his face, squishing his face a little. He leaned forward and pressed their lips softly against each other. He made it quite difficult to kiss, considering he wouldn’t stop smiling. 

“Sorry, Yamaguchi,” He said, chuckling against his lips. 

**Author's Note:**

> Everything the bullies put Tsukishima through was what I went through. The talk he had with the counsellor? Yeah, that's the same talk I had with them. 
> 
> Believe victims, encourage reporting, and fucking do something about it. Don't twindle your thumbs. If you tell a kid to report bullying to an adult figure, then make sure the adult figure actually does something about it and doesn't blame them. 
> 
> That's all, just believe victims and support them until the very end.


End file.
